As with most things, ๐™ž๐™ฉ’๐™จ ๐™˜๐™ค๐™ข๐™ฅ๐™ก๐™ž๐™˜๐™–๐™ฉ๐™š๐™™ ๐™–๐™ฃ๐™™ ๐™ž๐™ฉ ๐™™๐™š๐™ฅ๐™š๐™ฃ๐™™๐™จ. I’ve been seeing a lot of information recently about people pleasing being a trauma response, and while it CAN be, it can also develop from any number of situations and factors. โฃ
When talking about people pleasing as a trauma response, it’s also known as “fawning“. The fight-flight-freeze trauma response has been expanded to include “fawnโ€. Fawn is immediately appeasing someone to avoid conflict and as a way of keeping safe. Essentially doing anything you can to keep the peace.โฃ

EMDR therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) can help you heal from past trauma and create new patterns to establish safety and create healthy boundaries in relationships.
People pleasing is often a way to seek approval from others, which could come from a lack of support or validation from family, friends or society. โฃ
People pleasing also tends to be more common with women, as we are so often socialized to engage with pleasing others.
People pleasing can also be more common with certain personalities and conflict styles (Hello ๐Ÿ‘‹ fellow 9’s on the Enneagram),โฃ
If you struggle with perfectionism or codependency, you may find yourself people pleasing, ๐˜ข๐˜ด a ๐˜ธ๐˜ข๐˜บ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ญ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฌ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ต๐˜ด๐˜ช๐˜ฅ๐˜ฆ ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ณ๐˜ด๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ๐˜ง ๐˜ง๐˜ฐ๐˜ณ ๐˜ข๐˜ฑ๐˜ฑ๐˜ณ๐˜ฐ๐˜ท๐˜ข๐˜ญ, ๐˜ท๐˜ข๐˜ญ๐˜ช๐˜ฅ๐˜ข๐˜ต๐˜ช๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ณ ๐˜ข๐˜ค๐˜ค๐˜ฆ๐˜ฑ๐˜ต๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ค๐˜ฆ.โฃ
In sum, it’s about ๐—น๐—ผ๐˜€๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ด ๐˜๐—ผ๐˜‚๐—ฐ๐—ต ๐˜„๐—ถ๐˜๐—ต ๐˜†๐—ผ๐˜‚๐—ฟ๐˜€๐—ฒ๐—น๐—ณ ๐—ฎ๐˜€ ๐˜†๐—ผ๐˜‚ ๐—ต๐—ฎ๐—ฏ๐—ถ๐˜๐˜‚๐—ฎ๐—น๐—น๐˜† ๐—ด๐—ถ๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ ๐—ฝ๐—ฟ๐—ถ๐—ผ๐—ฟ๐—ถ๐˜๐˜† ๐˜๐—ผ ๐—ผ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ๐—ฟ ๐—ฝ๐—ฒ๐—ผ๐—ฝ๐—น๐—ฒ๐˜€ ๐—ป๐—ฒ๐—ฒ๐—ฑ๐˜€ ๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ฑ ๐—ณ๐—ฒ๐—ฒ๐—น๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ด๐˜€ ๐—ผ๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ๐—ฟ ๐˜†๐—ผ๐˜‚๐—ฟ ๐—ผ๐˜„๐—ป.โฃ
๐™Š๐™ค๐™ค๐™›. That can hit close to home.
Thereโ€™s nothing โ€œwrongโ€ with you if this is a pattern of yours and you can work to change it (if you want to!!). โฃ
You are not alone. โฃ
๐˜๐จ๐ฎ ๐œ๐š๐ง ๐ฅ๐ž๐š๐ซ๐ง ๐ญ๐จ ๐ฏ๐š๐ฅ๐ข๐๐š๐ญ๐ž ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ๐ฌ๐ž๐ฅ๐Ÿ, ๐ญ๐ซ๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ญ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ๐ฌ๐ž๐ฅ๐Ÿ ๐š๐ง๐ ๐ฎ๐ฅ๐ญ๐ข๐ฆ๐š๐ญ๐ž๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐ฉ๐ฎ๐ญ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ๐ฌ๐ž๐ฅ๐Ÿ ๐Ÿ๐ข๐ซ๐ฌ๐ญ. โœจ


– Seeking constant validation from others

– overly concerned with other people’s opinions and their feelings while neglecting your own needs and feelings

– saying yes to things you don’t want to do

– over apologizing

– difficulty expressing your own point of view

– looking to others for validation when making decisions

– difficulty dealing with conflict

– feeling guilty when you say no to others request


– Start to offer yourself validation for your opinions and feelings

– Take space for yourself to journal and reflect on your own values and opinions

– Allow yourself to pause before saying yes and agreeing to things. You can even come up with phrases to say beforehand, such as “Let me think on that and get back to you.”

– Practice affirmations such as “It’s okay to say no.” “Your feelings are valid”. “My voice matters”.

– Practice self-compassion when difficult feelings come up as you start work on breaking the pattern of people-pleasing, which may involve setting boundaries or saying no to people. While others may have reactions or feelings to you saying no, it’s not your job to take care of other people’s feelings.

– Seek help from a licensed therapist. Book a free 15 minute consult with me today.