As with most things, ๐๐ฉ’๐จ ๐๐ค๐ข๐ฅ๐ก๐๐๐๐ฉ๐๐ ๐๐ฃ๐ ๐๐ฉ ๐๐๐ฅ๐๐ฃ๐๐จ. I’ve been seeing a lot of information recently about people pleasing being a trauma response, and while it CAN be, it can also develop from any number of situations and factors. โฃ
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When talking about people pleasing as a trauma response, it’s also known as “fawning“. The fight-flight-freeze trauma response has been expanded to include “fawnโ. Fawn is immediately appeasing someone to avoid conflict and as a way of keeping safe. Essentially doing anything you can to keep the peace.โฃ
EMDR therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) can help you heal from past trauma and create new patterns to establish safety and create healthy boundaries in relationships.
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People pleasing is often a way to seek approval from others, which could come from a lack of support or validation from family, friends or society. โฃ
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People pleasing also tends to be more common with women, as we are so often socialized to engage with pleasing others.
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People pleasing can also be more common with certain personalities and conflict styles (Hello ๐ fellow 9’s on the Enneagram),โฃ
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If you struggle with perfectionism or codependency, you may find yourself people pleasing, ๐ข๐ด a ๐ธ๐ข๐บ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ญ๐ฐ๐ฐ๐ฌ ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ต๐ด๐ช๐ฅ๐ฆ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ณ๐ด๐ฆ๐ญ๐ง ๐ง๐ฐ๐ณ ๐ข๐ฑ๐ฑ๐ณ๐ฐ๐ท๐ข๐ญ, ๐ท๐ข๐ญ๐ช๐ฅ๐ข๐ต๐ช๐ฐ๐ฏ ๐ฐ๐ณ ๐ข๐ค๐ค๐ฆ๐ฑ๐ต๐ข๐ฏ๐ค๐ฆ.โฃ
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In sum, it’s about ๐น๐ผ๐๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐๐ผ๐๐ฐ๐ต ๐๐ถ๐๐ต ๐๐ผ๐๐ฟ๐๐ฒ๐น๐ณ ๐ฎ๐ ๐๐ผ๐ ๐ต๐ฎ๐ฏ๐ถ๐๐๐ฎ๐น๐น๐ ๐ด๐ถ๐๐ฒ ๐ฝ๐ฟ๐ถ๐ผ๐ฟ๐ถ๐๐ ๐๐ผ ๐ผ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ฟ ๐ฝ๐ฒ๐ผ๐ฝ๐น๐ฒ๐ ๐ป๐ฒ๐ฒ๐ฑ๐ ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฑ ๐ณ๐ฒ๐ฒ๐น๐ถ๐ป๐ด๐ ๐ผ๐๐ฒ๐ฟ ๐๐ผ๐๐ฟ ๐ผ๐๐ป.โฃ
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๐๐ค๐ค๐. That can hit close to home.
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Thereโs nothing โwrongโ with you if this is a pattern of yours and you can work to change it (if you want to!!). โฃ
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You are not alone. โฃ
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๐๐จ๐ฎ ๐๐๐ง ๐ฅ๐๐๐ซ๐ง ๐ญ๐จ ๐ฏ๐๐ฅ๐ข๐๐๐ญ๐ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ๐ฌ๐๐ฅ๐, ๐ญ๐ซ๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ญ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ๐ฌ๐๐ฅ๐ ๐๐ง๐ ๐ฎ๐ฅ๐ญ๐ข๐ฆ๐๐ญ๐๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐ฉ๐ฎ๐ญ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ๐ฌ๐๐ฅ๐ ๐๐ข๐ซ๐ฌ๐ญ. โจ
SIGNS OF A PEOPLE PLEASER:
– Seeking constant validation from others
– overly concerned with other people’s opinions and their feelings while neglecting your own needs and feelings
– saying yes to things you don’t want to do
– over apologizing
– difficulty expressing your own point of view
– looking to others for validation when making decisions
– difficulty dealing with conflict
– feeling guilty when you say no to others request
HOW TO LET GO OF PEOPLE PLEASING:
– Start to offer yourself validation for your opinions and feelings
– Take space for yourself to journal and reflect on your own values and opinions
– Allow yourself to pause before saying yes and agreeing to things. You can even come up with phrases to say beforehand, such as “Let me think on that and get back to you.”
– Practice affirmations such as “It’s okay to say no.” “Your feelings are valid”. “My voice matters”.
– Practice self-compassion when difficult feelings come up as you start work on breaking the pattern of people-pleasing, which may involve setting boundaries or saying no to people. While others may have reactions or feelings to you saying no, it’s not your job to take care of other people’s feelings.
– Seek help from a licensed therapist. Book a free 15 minute consult with me today.