a blank puzzle with many different pieces, representing the different aspects of perfectionism according to anxiety therapist Carrie Torn, LCSW

A piece of the perfectionism puzzle is often an underlying fear of what others think. ⁣The fear of being judged, criticized or shame.⁣ We tend to struggle with perfectionism most in areas were we feel vulnerable to shame. ⁣

Why? Because as humans we are hard wired for connection. Our survival depends on it. ⁣

And when we experience shame, we believe we are flawed and therefore unworthy of connection, according to shame expert Brené Brown. ⁣
Perfectionism is thinking “If I look perfect, live perfect and work perfect, I can avoid criticism, blame, ridicule and shame.” – Brene Brown⁣

The catch is that it also prevents us from being authentic and connecting with others in order to feel seen.⁣

And I’ll let you in on a secret: there is no such thing as perfect. ⁣

⁣To be human is to be imperfect. ⁣